Grief from losing a child is hard, there aren’t enough words to explain the feelings of loss, emptiness, sadness, ‘homesick’ for them, it’s unexplainable. Makayla was a 24/7 experience with her Autism and other mental issues, so the gigantic void without her is sometimes overwhelming. It’s almost been 3yrs since losing our daughter, seems like it was yesterday that I gave her a kiss on her forehead and told her I loved her and the next day she was gone.
It still doesn’t seem real! The shock and numbness of it all is wearing off and the reality that she’s gone for good is becoming more and more present in my heart and life. I don’t visit the cemetery often because it makes it so much more real but today I felt close to her and took her favorite Pink Drink from Starbucks and wanted to say hi and tell her how much I miss her and love her.
Moving-on past the loss into happiness, laughter, successes, joy, celebrations, etc., can take its toll as well because the guilt can create its own sadness. The cycle of grief is a roller-coaster of emotions and the ride just never ends…. it’ll get easier to deal with over the years but for now, it just plain sucks!
One thing that gives me some comfort is that she’s in a beautiful place, surrounded by flowers, trees, and a small water fountain, all things she loved.
For anyone suffering from child loss, take it one day at a time and give yourself grace.